Monday, July 28, 2014

Food Fight (2012)

This review started as a challenge I gave to a friend. I asked her to bring me the worst movie she could find , and she came back with this. It's a movie I never heard of and made the mistake of not checking out before saying I'd watch it. Thus began the hour and a half descent into madness...

Plot:  Dex, a superdog sleuth, is the law of the land when the world's most recognized brands take on the forces of evil and the devilish Brand X.

To be perfectly honest, after about 15 minutes of this movie I didn't care what kind of story this film was trying to tell.. There really Isn't much of a story here, it's more like someone got high and walked into a grocery store and thought their hallucinations would make a good movie. There was little or no effort or thought put into this plot and it shows.

What did I hate about this movie? Since I don't want to keep you here too long, I'll limit myself. First the sound quality of the film varies drastically. Some actors sound like they were recorded with professional equipment, others sound like they were recorded in a bathroom or closet and it just sounds terrible.

The animation in the film is god awful, and the character designs look like they came from someones nightmares. The characters don't show any expression on their faces, instead resorting to using their arms to show their different emotions...which all look the same. Nothing looks like it was rendered correctly and there are scenes where things in the environment that are supposed to flow smoothly appear to move more like a thick sludge. Now I know you may say "well this film was started in 2002, you can't judge the animation so harshly!". Well that may be true, but Toy Story and Toy Story 2 were both released before this and look a lot better in every way. Hell the Dire Straits "Money For Nothing" music video had smoother animation and that was from 1985.

Another thing that really irritated me about this film is most of the characters were played as stereotypes. Seeing all these offensive characters became annoying after a while and were not funny at any point in the film. And really, who would expect a moose to be Italian?

The worst part about this film was the "jokes", which were not funny in the least. Then there were the puns, my god there were so many puns in this film. I don't mind puns when they work, and if clever they can be funny. In this movie though the puns didn't make any damn sense most of the time, and just added to the hellish experience of viewing this film.

There was one thing I liked about this film, and that was turning it off at the end.

I can not advise or recommend seeing this movie for any reason at all. It's not even a "so bad its good" movie, it's an abomination and is quite possibly the worst animated film ever made. I really can't blame the companies that declined to have their mascots involved in this terrible film, they should be applauded for avoiding this 65 million dollar bomb. Yes this film took a decade to finish and cost 65 MILLION dollars. Think of how many good movies could have been made with that cash.

Verdict : Avoid this movie at all costs...

 Trailer: (only added it for those who want to torture themselves for 2 minutes)

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Netflix Recommendations (July 27th 2014)

Here are some of my picks for whats currently streaming on Netflix.

Magnum P.I. - The TV show that made Tom Selleck a household name back in the early 80's still holds up really well. With an outstanding cast, interesting characters and stories, this show will no doubt entertain any fan of the mystery or action genre. What really makes this show though is Selleck's charm and presence. Many times during the show he'll break the 4th wall and look into the camera and smile, which only adds to the fun of the show.

What About Bob? - This classic from 1991 stars Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss as a patient and his doctor. As Bob gets closer to Dr. Leo Marvin's family, it begins to drive Leo over the edge. That is what makes this film hilarious to me, the fact that a psychiatrist drives himself insane because his patient begins to act normal and befriend his family in the process. It's a film that really showcases Murray and Dreyfuss's acting ability and is more than worth seeing. 

Machete Kills - The first Machete movie was an insane over the top action film, and I loved it for that. The sequel is more of the same to be honest, but for fans of the first that's all it needed to be. This time Machete is recruited to stop a psychotic revolutionary and a billionaire arms dealer. It was fun to watch and seeing Mel Gibson as the villain of the film only added to the insanity of the film. If you love you love action films mixed with a little comedy and a little crazy thrown in, you should check out Machete Kills 

Cop Land - A Gritty film about a controversial killing by a police officer, which a small town sheriff and Internal Affairs investigator suspect has ties to the mob. It's more of a slow burn film that takes a while to really get fired up, but its worth the time. It has a great story, fleshed out characters and so many fantastic actors. If you like heavier drama's you should check this out.

Honey I Shrunk The Kids - A family film about a scientist who spends his time building a shrinking machine trying to get it to work. By accident it does, and it shrinks not only his kids but the neighbors children as well. Its a fun movie which may have more special effects than story, but its still good enough to entertain viewers from the young, to the young at heart.

Warcraft: The Beginning (2016) Review

As a gamer and self professed nerd, I was excited when the news broke that a Warcraft film was finally moving ahead past the script stag...